Having ADHD can increases your vulnerability to emotional manipulation, including a damaging tactic called gaslighting. Below is information that can help you understand what gaslighting is, how it shows up, why you may be more susceptible to it, and what you can do to protect yourself in both relationships and at work.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone makes you doubt your own reality, memory, or perceptions. It can be subtle or overt, but the goal is to destabilize you and gain power or control. Over time, it can leave you feeling confused, insecure, and dependent on the manipulator’s version of events.
How Gaslighting Behaviors Show Up
Before diving into examples, it’s helpful to recognize the many ways gaslighting can manifest so you know what to watch for. Some common behaviors include:
- Denying things they clearly said or did: “I never said that — you must be imagining things.”
- Dismissing your feelings: “You’re just being too sensitive.”
- Withholding information or affection to punish you.
- Twisting facts to make you feel responsible for their bad behavior.
- Pretending to forget things you both agreed on.
- Criticizing your competence, judgment, or memory repeatedly.
In the workplace, gaslighting might look like a supervisor changing expectations without informing you, then blaming you for missing them, or colleagues gossiping and then denying it when confronted.
Why Those with ADHD Are More Vulnerable
People with ADHD are often targeted by gaslighters because of traits that come with the condition. These not only make you more likely to be targeted, but also amplify the harm gaslighting causes, leaving deeper emotional scars and confusion.
Some of these traits include:
- Inconsistent memory: If you already struggle to remember details, a manipulator can exploit this by making you question your recollections.
- Emotional sensitivity: Many with ADHD feel emotions deeply, making them more reactive to criticism and eager to resolve conflict — which a gaslighter can exploit.
- Low self-esteem: Years of misunderstanding or criticism can make you doubt your own judgment, making you more likely to accept the gaslighter’s narrative.
- Impulsivity: In heated situations, you might react quickly rather than pausing, which can be twisted to make you seem unreasonable.
How to Avoid Gaslighting in the Workplace and Relationships
Protecting yourself starts with awareness and building confidence in your own reality. Here are some strategies to help safeguard yourself.
At Work
- Clarify expectations in writing: After meetings, send a summary email to confirm what was agreed upon.
- Keep records: Save emails and documents to track changes in assignments or feedback.
- Find allies: Supportive colleagues or a mentor can help you feel more confident in standing up for yourself.
- Know your rights: If gaslighting crosses into harassment, consult HR or an employment attorney.
In Relationships
- Document what happens: Keep notes, texts, or emails about important conversations so you can reference them later.
- Trust your feelings: If you feel hurt or confused, don’t dismiss your experience just because the other person says it’s your fault.
- Seek outside perspective: Talk to trusted friends, a therapist, or a support group.
- Set boundaries: If someone consistently invalidates your feelings or memories, it may be time to distance yourself.
You deserve relationships and workplaces where you feel safe, respected, and confident in your own reality. Take the first step today by trusting yourself and seeking support if needed. By learning to recognize gaslighting and taking steps to protect yourself, you can build healthier connections and reclaim your confidence.
If you’re struggling with these issues, working with a therapist who understands ADHD can be an important step toward healing and empowerment.
References
- https://takecontroladhd.com/podcast/2809
- https://www.additudemag.com/gaslighting-adhd-adults-women-risk/
- https://www.adhdworks.info/blog/maybe-its-not-your-fault-adhd-amp-gaslighting
- https://www.marriage.com/advice/love/adhd-traits-gaslighting/
- https://adhdaptive.org/2025/02/18/gaslighting-adhd-autism-neurodivergent/
